It was almost mid of the night and I’m not sleeping yet. I’m transfering so many datas and doing many things into the computer, but I really feel so sleepy that time, that in a minute I’ll probably lay on the bed. But, my honey came up and I thought we could not have a long conversation before that day closes.

He really thought that I”m a computer genius but actually not, I just know a little That I know its right but probably for other might be wrong, or maybe other may notice I’m doing wrong. Well I’m so busy now to think of things that could harm my mind. I’m alloting my thinking energy for the upcoming reports and submission of requirements in my masteral class. Oh…. Im so stressed. But maybe it still not enough to complain, and no one I can complain for but myself if I have not accomplish this. I just keep in mind that what happening is such a gift for me, not anyone have given the chance to accelerate their knowledge, Now that its given to me I should treasure it and use it for something better.

But even though I so busy, I wont take away those manners of listening to music I really feel connected especially if its talking to what I feel with Jonas. When I used to hear it, I make sure that i will have the copy of that song, so I can listen to it anytime and i may have Jonas to also hear my collection when there is time.

Jonas also love to hear slow music. He also play piano but not that always, but his family especially his father always like to watch concerts, that when before his father died in a deadly disease, they went him to classical concerts to make him feel he still living natural.

It was cool that Jonas came up to an idea of attending dance course, and it’s better that he was really concern with his health. He wanted to losse weight as possible. I really wanted that we could spend more years together. Though there are possibilities that his father’s disease would transfer by heritage, I hope it wont pass through Jonas or through the kids if we’ll have. If there’s a miracle why not..?

it was really inspiring, I am really wondering about how he spend his years when he was like my age, but I don’t know where to start asking about it. I just wanted to let him initiate opening things like these. He was so proud of when he was involved in military training, and I just can’t believe now that I knew that he became a nurse and have work in hospital also. Oh, I should keep this, I’m on my way on admiring him so much, because not anyone can make many roles in life.

After these, we start talking about religion, we both not totaly religious person but here in Philippines of course, Religion are different thing. It really difficult to how is the culture and restrictions would be. Until we came to topic on the rules of getting married in religions.

I don’t know what to feel that time, it was not really clear what he’s talking about marriage in relation with me. Maybe were talking about that without implication to us for now., becoz, becoz we still be counting more years maybe before that can be decided, or if my Prince will come and make the big question with or without a horse…

But if I can guess where it will be going, its going deep like I can’t feel for anyone but for him. I’m shouldering those many reasons why I need to hope for something like this. , and I hope those reasons may grow until jonas and me “reach the most stable ground a couple can have as being a strong foundation of love in life and can conquer anything ” (jonas words.) And for now I just can say that I’m really happy to have each other and that is worth everything.

You could almost define how big the difference of a filipino lover to other. Many filipina are still choosing the same race to be their partner because of many reasons and one of the reason maybe is that the level of sweetness to a relationship one part can give. Like last day, there is a guy went to my mom and ask her to sew a nurse dress to a teady bear he bought for her nurse girlfriend that will having birthday soon. And my mother did a cute medical dress to that stuff toy. It was really nice cute idea.

I don’t where to start telling, because it was a day where my emotions are turning in different ways. It’s between happiness and sadness.

It was the last day of Jonas visiting here in Manila, and he will be heading to Sweden by tomorrow. I called him up to hotel to say that I will be coming there early about 11am because the classes that time were suspended. I’d like to see him as soon but I can’t move faster. I am printing the picture of us, and I was writing a short messages about what I really feel to him. I don’t have the courage to say it straightly to him. I have not directly says to him that I feel something special, I’ve just say “It’s OK” even you don’t feel the same way, like what he said “you should not expect anything from a person”. I was that complaisant before, I thought he was another guy who will just cross my way and will never have a mark inside of me. And now I prove it all wrong.

When I came to the hotel, he was still in bed laying. And we talk about what happen to me Tuesday when we have not meet. And I gave the picture with my message behind. He reads it, and suddenly he became quiet. I don’t know what to say also, but I am apologizing with the way I’m expressing my feelings for him. And he suddenly get emotional in describing me as a simple, shy, respected and reserved kind of lady. He don’t expect that he will be emotional in the kind of personality we are showing to each other. ..,,, I can’t even breath at that moment.

We went out to eat lunch, we are trying to disguise and feel like it’s not the last day we will share together. We are at the Pizza hut Farmers, and he was having fun with joking at the waiter. He interviewed the waiter about his situations. And we made a game of guessing how many years the server was working at the restaurants. We have talked about the underemployment of many graduates here in the Philippines, and I don’t deny that I am also in lined with that status, because I am not in my field of profession now. But he contradict, he was still believing that my position was still bit higher..

I win in first guessing game. He guessed that the waiter who serve our food was only working there for two weeks because you can can see his enthusiasm, but I guessed he worked for 1 year over in that food store, well I just feel it and there’s no reason behind choosing that specific time.
We went to Gateway mall to buy cigarettes for his friend. And he was shocked by the price of it, it was very cheap at 250 pesos compare to 2,000 pesos in Sweden at its price. He says that you can get rich by selling it to Sweden though only way to cross it in their country was smuggling. Well i have no plan doing it…

We went up and down to find coffee store but all were crowded then we finally found the Bistro Pizza hut at the second 3rd floor. We ordered snack of sweet jelly cake and coffee. He never thought that their coffee was serve really small. I’m thankful I have ordered tea good for two, and it tasted good according to him. That time I knew that he has a diabetes, that’s why he control to eat sweet and meaty foods. He show the sugar level meter, I’m amaze he had bring it that time. He describe me how to use that. Well I don’t wanna try. …

He notice the bench i was sitting behind and he says i look cute there, and he took me a photo, look at this, I’m like I have not sleep over a million years…

By the way it was our picture taken by a cute girl waiter at the store:

He was asking where we can take photos were cubao will be clearly see. But it was raining heavy that time, and i think we cannot possibly shoot photos outside. Well he says embassys here was really strict when it comes to issuing fiance visa, like you need photos and emails as evidence. That time, I don’t know why he was talking like that, to whom is the visa?

We tried to move to other malls, he was amazed that we can be inside going to far place without going outside. He was talking about the MRT train when we went to Trinoma (North Ave.) from Cubao. He says that MRT train were less security compare to the train we took the last day (the LRT 2). Well, that was a newly build train, so they need to protect it.

We came to trinoma., we saw the wooden swing chair good for two, and he says that was perfect for his dream Hotel resort at Cebu. Then we walked around that big mall until we get tired and stayed at one corner seeing the big function hall with a large stage at the ground floor. I unintentionally open about the cheap prices of some condo units here in Manila. And he was get interested about it. He says if he can raised that amount and be able to buy one here, that was a big savings, if he will keep coming back here.

He think deeply about it then he suddenly change the topic. He was thinking that time of what I need for that moment. He says maybe I need a jacket, like the color i was wearing when i firts meet him, but not that type or style of jacket, because it look like not near feminine. And then i suddenly reason out that it’s not my own jacket., and I said that I have many jacket but i think my brother’s jacket was cute and so I took it. , and its made him conclude that if I have many jackets and in the special occassion like that meeting her, I took the jacket of my brother, then I have no jacket for special occassion. Oh I lose in my argument.
After an hour, we went out to the exit, and he saw the corner where’s the way of people coming in and out, he thinks it’s the good place to put up the internet cafe business we have talked the last day. Well for me, I think you need a very big investment occupying those kind of space. Then he saw the building of SM north Edsa, he decided to take a picture there seeing the mall behind us. We asked the old man to help take picture to us, but it seems this old guy didn;t know how to use the camera, he was not fix in handling of it.

After our picture taking with the old guy shooting to us, we went to SM mall at the back of Trinoma. We look for the jacket he was called the “intelligent jacket” I found one and I fit, he saw that it looks nice to me. That time I was looking for clothes, i saw him joking at the saleslady, making noise, and this ladies were keep on laughing. I was shy at that moment, these girls were also asking about the guy I’m with. He was looking for a jacket also, he found one but he didn’t like the color, but he buys it still, it was cheap he reason out.

We took a taxi going back to hotel, that was 10pm already and the SM store were about to close. He was guessing the years the taxi driver were driving. He says he think the driver were driving 10 years now. But the driver answered 15 years. After a few minutes, he notice that something bumbs his tires, and it was two manholes at the way. He stop the car and he saw two tires get flats. Oh how poor he is. We took another taxi. He guesses the years the taxi driver were driving, He says it was 17 years now because he was driving carefuly not unlike the first taxi driver we have ride with. And we arrive at the hotel safely.

We have just put the things down and we went out again to eat dinner. We eat at the Seafood’s Island at Shoewise mall. It’s my first time to eat there, and it was nice because there is acoustic band playing beside the tables. But he didn’t like too loud noise so we choose a table far away from those who are singing. We ordered of course sea foods, the waiter was so stupid serving a lot of rices in the table. He didn’t told us that their prepared rice were good for two. It was left over there when we have finished eating.

Then, we enter an internet cafe, for me to watch the video of the mall planning to build at the border of Haparanda, Sweden and Tornio Finnland. It was annoying him about this going structure, he really hated to see Finnish people.

Then we return to Hotel, I was that feel sleepy and exhausted so much. I have not help that so much in packing his things up. I was starting to feel sad that time. It was 2am when he finnish fixing his things. He have fix also the things he will give to the security guard downstairs.

He had also gave me the picture of her mother and he. Her mother look likes him very much. It’s funny he have give longer time cleaning the shoes he used but he can’t bring it back to sweden because it was also heavy. He packed it with plastic bag. He can’t decide if he will give it to the security guard or not, then he insert it to my belongings. He was really weird, what will I do to that big and heavy sandal shoe. And I say I will return it to him when he came back. And yes he says, it will remind me about him when I see those shoes.

And then he finnish finally packing his things, he was still guessing how many kilos it will weigh because he don’t want to concur additional charges with overweigh baggage. It was 2 hours more before his departure then we still sleep for awhile trying to medidate and feel natural. 3 o’clock then we prepare going to airport.

He was still joking with the taxi driver, knowing this taxi driver had also a cousin with swedish husband. And this is a good driver according to him because he drive safely. And we are there in the airport finally. We are looking for the list of departures. There were too many people in the hallway filling in along the hallway. Then he will be leaving now, I can’t say anything even the word “take care”, there’s no words coming out from my mouth, I can just turn my head and say “yes”. “Oh, It was the hardest place to say goodbye, It was only four days but it means so much to me,… well we need to communicate after this. “-Jonas continued. We both can’t say any words, but only tight embrace and goodbye kisses. I turn away and run fast far away from place he can never see me, coz I don’t want him to see me crying. I took a taxi immediately, I don’t want to watch him leaving, everything is unclear, I thought I can handle this easy, I never thought that I could feel this way.

August 6, after the first meeting with Jonas I get back to work even I don’t have enough sleep and feeling tired the morning. After teaching from 1 – 5pm, I take the bus going back to hotel where Jonas were staying in. In the bus I was still thinking if I will spend the whole night with him, but i have decided, if he have give effort of going here in Manila I should give something in return, and maybe staying with him will make him little happy even I’m not sure,.. and I’m also thinking there were only 3 more days left for him to go back to his home in Sweden.

I was texting Jay, asking bout the direction going to Manila Baywalk, maybe he will be interested seeing the sight and walking beside the boardwalk. I came to Hotel then, I think he had rest then after his exhausting flight yesterday, he look fresh and alive now. He went out lately to eat his lunch, he had almost went around the Araneta center especially the Farmers Plaza, but he choose to eat at the Gateway mall. He found a restaurant with only few people eating and a little peaceful place, but he never thought how was the food cost there. Well it was really high, having a lunch for 800 pesos that was so expensive, but well its much cheaper compare to Sweden he says.

After telling how he spend his lunch that time, I notice that he was looking at my pink poloI am wearing that time. I ask why, did I look like a strict teacher with the kind of clothes I’m wearing now? And then he says he was right by guessing my favorite color was pink. Then he bring the paper bags having 3 kinds of tshirt all was in colored pink. I was amazed, how did he know I like the color? He says yesterday when we first meet I was wearing pink, and before I go I wear pink again, and now with my working clothe it was pink again, so pink he think my favorite color then.

After knowing the direction going to Roxas Boulevard, I asked him if he would like to make a walk beside the Boardwalk, then he excitedly prepared going there. He bring out his Camera hoping we can have a nice photoshoot there. We take a train going to Legarda that time, and that time we are closely sit to each other. Though he was still looking at the people around him and sitting near our side. He notice that mostly young men took the train than the old people, well most aged man like to keep inside the house and not like to make travel – it is a little tiring for them.

It was raining that time so we decided to make a stop at the Jollibee, and i have only bring one piece of umbrella that was small for us. And when the rain stops a little we ride a jeep going there. It was really embarrassing that time he was seeing the flood all over the ways. And we have finally arrived there finally. we choosed to eat dinner first at the shakeys near the baywalk.
He likes the pizza so much.

After eating, we went out to start the walk at bay. It was cold, and the wind blows our face. The stores beside the walk were all close now. There were only few people at the bay. One guy was fishing. We saw a lady wearing thin shirt and short minis. I’m wondering how she bear the cold of the night. And jonas asked me if she’s a prostitute? There is a foreigner where she approach but he snob the girl. As we continue walking the rain suddenly falls heavily, and we are not sure if we are gonna finnish the walk to the end. We decided to go back to the hotel but we cannot find any taxis that time. I decided to take the Fx but I notice he was a liitle bit afraid of riding it. And then we went down at lawton st. and finally we got a taxi, but this taxi driver were really bad, he never uses meter, but we have no choice, its difficult to find taxi that time.

We went back to the hotel, our clothes were really get wet with the rain and I am so exhausted, feel tired of the long waiting for the taxi to come and lookin for where we gonna find. If its not raining only I think we can spend a long hour walking there(if only). I sit and tried to rest before taking the bath, he sit beside me and we talk about many things. About how many kids I would like to have if i fortunately enter a family, about rules and religions there in his place., about his ideals in life – in fulfilling his greatest business dream and share blessings to other. I was really inspired that moment.

He says lately, when he went outside around the araneta, he saw the Padis point but he never enter, he think he could only meet bad guys there. He asked if in a hour they play soft slow music for slow and sweetdance? Like this…. and he embrace me softly and try to ride with his dance and song that’s like a marching tune, but even if it will be the sweetest day after conquering the heavy rain outside.

It was an unexpedtedly thing to happen when me and jonas meet last August 5, 2007. A day before we meet, we don’t have idea of possible meeting in reality, until we have log-in in chat at the same time and get a communication between us after a long time not talking with each other. I lost my cellphone that number he was known before. I bought a new number, and I’m calm and not thinking about him after that. But I knew that he has a plan to go here in the Philippines, but i don’t believe it was me he was looking out here, i just thought that he will just have a travel to experience sights here in Asia and not the idea of looking for a girl to have a serious relationship.

That time I knew that he was in Cebu at that moment. And he plan to fly to manila the day after to meet me. I don’t know what to feel that time, i was nervous. He ask me if i have read his email last week when he was in malaysia. But i have not read that already since then. It was his first time to view me in the webcam when he was in cebu chatting, because in sweden he cannot access any videos from chat. I ask what can he say about my looks, now that he has seeing me live in camera., then he replied, … that I’m like a princess.. he added if he can meet my parents afterwards. But that moment i refuse to his favors – the reason is that I’m not sure if he will like me after.
Then we meet in reality, i bring her some oranges for him to taste. And i notice that his looks was really different from the pictures he have sent me on net. Yes, I saw that he was big on the pictures, but his face really look nice, his eyes and his lips they are like so perfect to fall my heart on. But well if you can see on the picture, he was not photogenic, as he always says ” he looks drunk on picture always.” But aside from that he cuts his hair already, because in the pictures he has this very big bulky hair, like he was wearing a big wig. And he really looks so handsome, I can’t describe how good he looks so much.
We talk on the hotel in an hour, about my work, about his trip to other place in Asia, about his situation working with Finnish people, his mother, and about my refusal meeting my parents. We went out to eat dinner, and I call zhara jay (my bestfriend) to meet him after. We meet zhara jay at ortigas. We stay at Mcdonalds and she makes a long conversation with Jonas about his dream business. Though I also give some points of view but only rare. That time I knew how this guy really makes different, he is not shy to speak about his dreams, and his dreams always with consideration about the fairness with his self and to the other. That time i was asking my self, haven’t it crossed my mind these kind of things? would he like me for I am so simple, very ordinary and speaks and contrast a little to every mind matters. Well I’m not intelligent – that’s what I’m worried of.
This idea came from when have talk to a guy beside his sit on the airplane going to cebu about his business of job agency. This guy owns this job agency. And he came up an idea about putting a job agency here in Philippines that will recruit nurses and train their languages for 8-10 months and pay them regular salary of common employee here. He can make communication with their local government there in Sweden and make contract with the Local Hospitals to get their health worker in his Job agency. Because he said that there will be a health care crisis will be going out the near future. So its nice to put up that kind of business here and will come to an income with several millions. That is a big kind of business – but everybody is a winner as what he always say. But of course, it needs a big investment also, that he might be died with in able to come up then. That time I cannot imagine how it will be act in reality.

Then we finnished talking at 3am, it was really exhausting moment, i was not able to bring my bag i left it on the room, so I was not able to retouch seeing these oil in my face and looking like zombie that time. We have a long walk going to the highway. We left zarah a long the way and we take this bus ride. The driver really drive fast that Jonas cannot almost believe he was loaded to that kind of ride. It was the fastest ride he ever experience in his whole life, and probably the most dangerous ride. He can never imagine what he feel that moment. I was really shy that time, i also don’t expect that kind of ride we have tried that night.
And we came back,.. on the elevator of the hotel, there was two lover going up, and the girl was smoking. She ask Jonas if he mind her smoking inside. Well the girl was really like a tough girl, i don’t want to say he likes Jonas. But well I’m not jealous even its the first time we meet, because we are not that close yet, and I don’t know how far this things will continue then. But one word he says to me when we came back after meeting zarah jay… ” Donna,… you are so wonderful.” I don’t know what to say – coz I don’t know what’s next…